Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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