I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
