My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
