Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
