dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
