Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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