so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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