the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
