1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
