is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
