Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize