the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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