Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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