i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
