So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
