so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
