I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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