Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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