My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
