what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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