You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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