I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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