I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
