WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
