youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize