so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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