Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
