you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
