that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
