I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize