I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
