i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize