If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
