I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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