Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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