I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
