Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
