I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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