The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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