Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
