Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
