Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
