Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
send nudes
from the living room?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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