me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
