I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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