I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
