Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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