Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
