Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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