I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone says I win the strip club
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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