I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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