I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize