Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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