I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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