i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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