I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
