I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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