dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
