She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Semen is not good for contacts.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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