nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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