i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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