My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think my moral compass just broke
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