Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
