Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize