We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
