kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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