My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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