I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
