hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
