So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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