im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
