yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
