Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
