Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
