My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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