were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
