my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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