I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
