Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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