and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Shame - the story of my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
