i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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