I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He shit in the fireplace
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
