do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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