I should be sponsored by Trojan
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize