So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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