i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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