I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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