So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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