I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
