Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
