I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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