I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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