Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
