Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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