Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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