walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
