Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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