the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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