my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
