Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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