girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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