i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
only if we run a train.
done.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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