im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize