Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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